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Augustus Gloop
This article is about the 2005 film character, you might be looking for the original character. Augustus Gloop is a fat fucking bastard who drags his fat ass around in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005 and 1971 versions) he is a big, cunty, greedy, arrogant, genocidal, obese kid from Nazi Germany. He is the first of the 5 winners of the Golden Tickets and is the bloke who said the n word without a pass and caused the factory to implode. He leaves the factory after curbstomping Wonka, but is covered with his own feces due to his poor diet giving him wicked IBS. The Golden N-word pass He is perhaps best known as the inventor of the dangerous artifact known as the Golden n-word pass, which grants any holder the ability to epicly say the n-word whenever and however they please, causing every infant's eardrums to burst, every nuclear weapon to detonate and the funny white peepee to squirt out everywhere. Mrs Obama repeatedly criticised Gloop for inventing it, until Gloop used it in near proximity to her when she forgot to get down in time. She was incinerated, leaving behind only a chug jug. Unepic gamer moment, indeed. The Anal Chocolate Room Augustus is the first to be removed from the tour: while sucking the anal spooge from Wanka's wrinkly crack, he accidentally falls into a coma and is drawn through a pipe to the 'Fudge Room'. His parents are summoned using the almighty magic of Baphomet to consume the souls of the other children. Relationships Willy Wanka - Augustus is a big fan of Willy Wanka's epic gamer skills and was amazed of all the quickscoping techniques that was invented, which inspired Augustus to train his Satanic legion to overthrow Wanka-land. It has been rumoured by some that he sucked Willy's big fat willy in order to obtain a lifetime supply of his anal chocolate. Charlie Bucket - Augustus was very rude to Charlie at the beginning of the film as seen when Willy Wanka leads the tour to the sex dungeon, Augustus asks Charlie if he wanted to see his nudes to which Charlie answers yes however, Augustus rudely tells Charlie that he's gonna say the n-word. Fun fucking facts, bitch * It is revealed that Augustus doesn't know how to swim when he fell in the Chocolate River. What a loser. * If Augustus is standing next to the other Winners, it is shown that he is the tallest. ** The same thing has happened in "Willy Wanka and the Chocolate Factory" (1971). * In the book, he has become thin due to being stuck in the pipe. However, he still remains the same weight in the movie. What a fucking shame. * Augustus is the only child in the world responsible for mass murder. * Augustus is the only child not to go on the boat ride, out of fears it would sink. * Augustus is played by Count Dankula. * He is the first child to find the golden ticket, be eliminated, have his song performed and leave the factory. * Despite having been mean to Charlie, Augustus agrees to build a new empire to slaughter all untermensch who stood in his way, conquer Europe and ultimately cease the means of production. Quotes *"I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate." *"Would you like some chocolate?" *"I just can't stop taking ketamine. I can't stop. Please Helen, you fucking whore, pull the trigger, I can't take it anymore, the feds won't stop coming after me." * "If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed." * "He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future." * "Words build bridges into unexplored regions." * "Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it." Augustus' song Augustus' song is an utter masterpiece. It talks about how he is greedy and eats too much. It's also used as a prayer in his religious chocolate Gloop churches. Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! all of our chocolate is actually poop! Augustus Gloop! So obese and vile! As repulsive as your local pedophile. 'Come on!' we cry, 'The time is ripe, to put our peepee up his pipe!' shut up, dumb children, you're all a bunch of cucks; Augustus Gloop gives zero fucks, Augustus Gloop will give your Willy a suck! Although, of course, we must admit... he will be covered in his own shit... He sips his mountain dew and smashes dishes, as Augustus cries, watching his parents file a divorce. *We'll boil him for a minute more, until we're absolutely sure, and out he comes, by God by grace, Augustus is fucking dead from being boiled* This greedy cunt, this stupid runt, is loved by Chris Chan himself! For who could hate or bear a grudge against a genocidal retard? The section in the stars has been removed from some DVD releases. Fuck you. Category:Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wiki Category:Characters Category:Storyline Category:Kids Category:Antagonists Category:Boys Category:Villains Category:Eliminated From The Tour Category:Spoiled Brats